10 Things Aerith Never Did, But Wishes She Had
by torncorpse
Summary: Ten things that Aerith Gainsborough wishes she did, but never got the chance to. Includes Cloud, Zack, Tifa, Yuffie and Reno.


**Ten Things Aerith Never Did, But Wishes She Had**

Aerith can remember her childhood dream. It was never to grow flowers in an abandoned church. She liked how her life turned out just fine, really she did, but there were times when she really wished she'd managed to do something more. When she was five the one thing she really wanted to do was become a healer. She had a talent, her mother told her so, she could help to make people better. But things never really worked out and before long all she had was her flowers growing and needing her. In a way, she guesses that the flowers help people too, just in a different way.

Growing up in Midgar hadn't been as hard as one might think. It was never the easiest life to lead, even less so if you had to work from an early age. Aerith never envied the children on the street corners, selling bread or offering shoe shines. She would pass them every morning on her way to her grandmother's house, where she would sit for five hours while her grandmother schooled her. She had more than those children did, but maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if she'd joined them. At least then she'd have some friends.

When she met him, the charismatic SOLDIER with the spiky dark hair, sparkling eyes and warm smile, she hadn't been the most confident of people. Zack, even his name was even so different from hers, had shown her that sometimes you could fake things and still feel them. He made her laugh, he talked to her, he brought a smile to her face and joy she hadn't felt since her mother passed away three years before. She really wishes she'd been able to do something like that for him, but she knew she would never be able to give him what he really wanted.

Aerith always knew that the blond boy wasn't who he believed he was. She couldn't forget Zack, so she knew when they'd first met that this young man was confused and lost, just like she had been. Before long she managed to work out that this was the cadet Zack told her about, the one he liked, the one who was different from all the others. She wanted to pretend he was really Zack, wanted him to be the same man she had grown fond of, but it was different with him. So she never told him that she knew Zack, that they had been friends. She just let him think he was who he said he was, and that all the memories he had were his own. Occasionally she entertained thoughts of telling him, of helping him through it all, just like Zack would've, but missed opportunities weren't something she held on to anymore.

It didn't take long for Cloud to remember who he was, and Aerith knew then that what she felt for Zack was misplaced, or maybe what she felt for Cloud was really what she felt for Zack. She never got the chance to find out. She never said anything, she just let Cloud believe she cared for him as a friend. Tifa was around too much, throwing herself at Cloud and claiming they were soul mates. Aerith wonders what would've happened if she'd taken Cloud to the church one day and told him, really told him how she felt. But she never did.

Aerith never got over her fear of heights. She wishes she did, because she knows that watching the sunset from the church roof would've been amazing. She could just sit on the slates, watching as the sun slowly receded from view, before the husks of orange and pink faded completely and let the moon and stars light the night sky. But the chilling fear that she'd fall from the slates, that nothing was stable and a person shouldn't really be that high up stopped her.

Her first meeting with Reno of the Turks hadn't been in the church - although she doubts he'd remember their first meeting. His shock of red hair couldn't really be mistaken anywhere. Tifa once said she thought it was dyed, that no one would have hair that color, but she knew Reno did. She had passed him on the streets for nearly five months before she had the courage to talk to him. Even at just five years old she knew that he wasn't sitting there on the street because he wanted to. He'd been such a small boy, even though she was sure he was probably older than she was, underfed and homeless. His hair hadn't been as bright, probably because it was dirty, but his eyes had. She had only ever seen two pairs of eyes that rivaled the brightness, Zack's and Cloud's. But Reno's were bright without the Mako assistance. She'd bought him a slice of bread and brought a cup of water. He'd just stared at her, wonder in his eyes and one smooth red slash along his cheek. Maybe if she'd taken him home with her, maybe if she'd convinced him that she could help him. But she didn't have the confidence then, she hadn't been able to tell him her name or bring him home with her. So she grew up to grow flowers, and he grew up to drop the plate on Sector Seven.

Yuffie had all the qualities that Aerith wished she had, except for the stealing. There was a time when Aerith wanted to learn how to fight. She had thought about taking a class in self defense, or joining somewhere that taught you how to fight. But she never got around the fact that she would have to hurt someone, so she had very limited battle skills. She wishes she had, she wishes that she had taken the classes, that she had put aside her worries and taken the chance to be something stronger. To have been powerful like Tifa, to be confident like Zack, to be graceful like Yuffie. Instead she depended on Cloud to protect her, and in the end she hadn't let him.

If she'd never gone there that day, if she hadn't tried to stop things herself, what would things have been like? She can imagine Cloud saving everyone; she knows that he would, that he'd fight past everything holding them all back, that he'd find his inner hero, the person Zack could see. Cloud would save the day and there would be a fanfare, they would celebrate while mourning the losses. Maybe after all that, maybe then when everything was over and they could go back to being normal people, then Aerith would take Cloud to the church again. They'd sit in front of the flowers and Aerith would tell him that she knew he could do it, that she knew who he was all along and he just needed to find it in himself. He would look at her with those beautifully deep eyes, would see all the way to her soul, before leaning over and kissing her sweetly. It would be soft and gentle, the brush of lips to lips. Cloud would be a gentleman about it and tell her that she had the softest skin he had ever felt, that he had wanted to kiss her for a long time. Aerith would ask about Tifa, because they were friends after all and she didn't want to her the other woman's feelings, but Cloud would assure her that it was all right, that he didn't feel that way about Tifa and that Tifa would realize it. Even as Aerith feels the cold take her body, feels her spirit merge with the Lifestream, she sees Cloud, holding her close and missing her already. She wants to comfort him, wants to reach out and tell him that it's okay. She wishes she had been wise enough to wait.

A long while ago, when she was fourteen or fifteen, Aerith realized that in order to gain something, you had to lose something too. She gained a knowledge of the world then, but lost her mother. Then she gained a great friend in Zack, but lost her innocence. When she lost Zack it was only to meet Cloud, the boy that made her yearn for love. That had turned back on itself; she lost Cloud, only to be reunited with Zack. He tells her all about the Lifestream, tells her how the power from the generators was destroying the Lifestream, explains why they can move with the Lifestream the way they do. Together they watch Cloud as he overcomes the General. The rogue SOLDIER cadet besting the great General Sephiroth, the man who caused so much pain. Aerith tries to ease Cloud's pain, understanding that he is hurting for her loss. She can reach him in dreams, Zack tells her. She doesn't question why Zack never came to her, but she can understand why he wouldn't. Cloud's dreams are sad and distorted, remnant memories from the Mako poisoning and his time in the SOLDIER project leaking into his subconscious. It's easy to forgive Cloud, forgive him whatever he feels he needs forgiving. She tells him that it's not his fault, that he should understand that she's not suffering, that she's glad she could do something, that she'd give her life again if it saved the world. She never tells him about Tifa, never tells him that the woman really is in love with him, because she can feel that small amount of love trickling towards her, the love he holds just for her. If she had told him, if she had been able to let that bit go, maybe she could've saved him sooner.

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Disclaimer: Aerith and her friends aren't mine. They belong to Square and Enix. I just borrowed them for a while.


End file.
